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What is happiness, and should we focus on making others happy, or ourselves first? This reminds me of a well-known parable about an old man who fished every day by the river. One day, he caught a goldfish that promised to fulfill one wish. The old man wished for everyone in his village to be happy. The fish granted his wish. Yet when he returned to the village, he found that everyone was busy with their newfound happiness and had completely forgotten about him.
Is happiness then about focusing on others or understanding first and foremost what makes us happy?
Happiness begins with understanding what it truly means. For some, happiness might mean having no limitations—youthfulness, wealth, health, and endless energy. For others, it can come from accepting and understanding their limitations. When we live in harmony with what we have, instead of yearning for more all the time, we experience a sense of boundlessness.
So yes, you can—and should—wish for your own happiness. This does not make you selfish. On the contrary, it lets you truly understand happiness so that you can sincerely wish the same for others.
But here is the catch: meddling in other people’s lives by trying to make them happy can lead to unintended consequences. You might think, “I will be happy if others are happy,” but this is purely egoistic. True happiness does not come from controlling or influencing others but from living your own life simply without comparing it to the achievements of others.
Take the example of parents who invest everything into their children’s happiness, only to find themselves left alone as the children pursue their own lives. Is it right for parents to reproach their children? No. It is unreasonable to blame them. Instead, parents must come to terms with the natural flow of life. My teacher used to say in relation to parents’ relationships with growing children, “Shut your mouth and open your pocket.” In other words, provide for your children, give them what they need, but do not cling to them. This takes place from around the age of 14, where it is worthwhile to start distancing ourselves gradually, giving them the space to grow independently.
Ultimately, wishing for others’ happiness must come from a place of understanding what happiness truly is—both for yourself and for others—and not from an egoistic approach where we place a condition that “I will be happy only if they are happy.”
Based on KabTV’s “News with Dr. Michael Laitman” with Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman on September 23, 2024. Written/edited by students of Kabbalist Dr. Michael Laitman.
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